Wanna know what I did today? I threw a can of diced tomatoes into my pantry. Not like, ‘hey, can you throw this in there, please?” More like an, “I HATE TOMATOES SO MUCH I HOPE THEY FUCKING DIE!” full force hulk smash.
Why, you ask? Because I’m 43 years old and I was having a tantrum. Because sometimes I can’t take it and words aren’t enough so I throw things - that’s my ‘thing’. Don’t judge, you know you have a thing too.
I’ve been having a hard time dealing with an injury that I’ve been trying to ignore for a long time that just won’t go away no matter how hard I attempt to pretend it’s not there.
I hurt my neck and shoulder months ago - about a year ago actually. I didn’t do anything specific - it just happened. I use my arms for everything, even more so with work. I saw my chiropractor and felt better for a minute and then a few months ago it got really bad again - and much worse.
Since then, I haven't been to the gym in over two months which really pisses me off partly because it’s my happy place and also because it’s a huge help in curbing my anxiety and apparently my deep seeded rage. On top of that, daily tasks and my work in general have become annoyingly painful and increasingly difficult.
I finally saw a doctor a few weeks ago, had x-rays taken, got some cortisone shots, and began PT. I’m not happy about ANY OF IT. I feel like I am losing my mobility all over again and I think the best way to describe it is to use a term my oldest uses: BABY RAGE. I have been full fledged ‘baby raging’.
I’m sharing this with you because my ‘amazing’ husband told me today that he’s pissed off that on this page I promote positivity and an “I can” attitude but the last few weeks I’ve been bitching and crying and saying, “I can’t”. He also pointed out that he offered to take on some of my responsibilities so I can rest and heal my arms a bit (because he’s so amazing) and so have my very good friends (thank you, ladies 😘).
Until today I have made every excuse in the world not to let them but along with the other brutally honest points he made, I realized, he’s right. I’m being ridiculous.
See, I have a hard time giving up control - I’m an admitted control freak. I work very hard and make sure i have jobs and responsibilities because I never want to feel useless. Being busy is in my nature. I don’t like sitting around. I don’t like feeling bored. And more than anything, I HATE feeling, “disabled.”
I’m putting this out there because he’s right (did I really say that twice in one day?) I haven’t been positive. I’m not always sunshine and rainbows ALL THE TIME - no one even wants to be around “that guy” - but you have to find a way through or around to get to that positive place. Sometimes you have to hurl a fourteen ounce can of produce to realize that you’re being ridiculous and might have to redirect your focus ✌🏼
Comments