Let’s talk about body image today.
In addition to being self conscious and insecure, after over forty years of life, two childbirths, scars, rolls, and stretch marks, I have the added stress of not having muscle in my legs and most of my midsection. #blessed
Something I hear often is, “you look great for someone in a wheelchair.” Or, “usually people in wheelchairs let themselves go but you look amazing.” (Fine, they typically say I look ‘good’ but this is my story so just go with it). I think it’s a common misconception that people who are disabled just ‘let themselves go’ - and some do. Some are also physically unable to do many things. Again, we are all different, just like anyone else.
Most often, I hear these comments at the gym where I typically spend five mornings a week. After my time in physical therapy kind of fizzled out years ago, I started working out on my own. I HAD to. I gain weight very easily partially because I am somewhat immobile and also because I love stuffing my face (don’t judge me, my husband is a chef and I also love snacks).
I spent many years working out in the privacy of my own home because I hated having people look at me when I exercised. Again, hardly anyone other than me cared what I was doing but I still felt like everyone was staring.
At the gym, I lift weights, use the track, and more recently began classes like cardio drumming and zumba. I don’t take any special, adaptive fitness classes. I just little by little got up the courage to join in what looked like a lot of fun when I passed by the window of the classes being held.
What encouraged me even further were the other people at the gym. People who have and continue to come up to me and say, “I’m here because of you,” or, “I figured if you can do it, so can I.” I still think it’s unnecessary and awkward - I mean, really, I have no excuse NOT to be there. I am able to exercise, therefore I should - but it’s nice that people feel that way. It also still makes me feel weird. It calls attention to the fact that I AM different and people notice.
Whatever. I enjoy myself and try to focus on THAT. I’m a little Italian Jewish girl from Long Island and that becomes very obvious when I try to dance. People are going to look at me strange anyway. I’m not looking to go pro, just burn some calories and have some fun.
So as much as I appreciate the compliments, I’m still not 100% sure how I feel about them. In all honesty, it IS the truth, most of us have no legitimate excuse NOT to be there, but when I’m there doing my thing - or a few vodkas deep killing it on a dance floor somewhere, (literally. My husband says I look like I’m having a stroke), hearing these very nice sentiments that I know are meant to be sweet and praise my efforts, only remind me that i DON’T look like everyone else and make me feel more out of place.
I’ll get back to you one day when I decide which side of the coin I’m really on with this one but for now, hydrate and get your ass to the gym. If I can do it, so can you!
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