Yesterday we were discussing (I was lecturing you) about trust and sexual relationships with a spinal cord injury. Here are some more reasons why it’s so important:
I have basically no movement from the waistline down. For those of you who are a little slow, this means I can’t move my legs. Here’s a short anatomy lesson. I’ll make it super easy using a song I’m sure we all learned in our youth:
The leg bone’s connected to the thigh bone. The thigh bone’s connected to the hip bone, the hip bone’s connected… to the vagina. Well, not really but I told you I’m not good with science. You get the idea, and if you don’t, maybe you’re too young to be reading this.
Since my legs don’t move, I have to move them either by manually using my hands, moving the upper part of my body, or having my partner move them for me.
Personally, I need to be very comfortable with someone to work these details out. Sex can be awkward the first (few) times around with anyone. When you add completely unique and uncharted territory, shit can get weird. It’s nice to have someone who’s into you enough to just roll with it and be focused on the act and not the logistics.
That’s one thing I was lucky to find with my husband is his ability to not give AF. (He always knew I was worth the extra work 😜) And after many, many years of practice, the hubs and I have worked this out to a science and for the most part, things go very smoothly and seamlessly.
If you’re worried though, be sure that I know from others with disabilities that there are many men and women out there willing and able to go the extra mile to meet and exceed your needs.
Trust and respect are crucial as well because I just look different than most. No, not like that. My anatomy and parts are all in the same place but I don’t really move the same.
The way the ‘ideal’ woman or even just your average bitch is sexually portrayed on television, movies, or even porn (let’s be honest, most of you have seen it) - she’s not in a wheelchair. She is strutting across a room in heels, sitting up on her hands and knees, giving you a lap dance, effortlessly pulling her panties off while lounging on her elbows - you get the idea… Oh my God, what was I even talking about? Is it warm in here? 😅
Again, anyone with the desire to be with you intamately obviously sees you as a sexual or sensual person, but when your balance doesn’t allow you to be in particular positions and your body just doesn’t move in certain ways, none of those scenarios are possible. That trust and respect is absolutely necessary (for me) to just be yourself and not have to worry that someone is going to laugh at you or look at you like you’re a fucking idiot when you’re trying to get your underwear off.
Like my mother always says, “every pot has a cover” and I’m so lucky that I found mine. He might be crazy for choosing me but he’s stuck with me now. #sorrynotsorry My anxiety can barely handle writing about this let alone living through the trial and error again. 🤪😂
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