Thank you to those that reached out wondering why I haven’t been running my mouth for the last week. I was very busy with a big work event and then getting our home back in order.
After going through a bit about my background last week, I thought a good transition would be to talk about growing up into a woman in a wheelchair - and sex because, well, sex rules. (If you’ve been reading you know I’ve only had actual intercourse twice to create my children and it was so good I know just from that.)
Because I was still young when I was injured, sex and my new female body were still fairly new. It was a learning experience for me in general but there were also things I couldn’t really learn or discover alone. Being with someone else in an intimate way can be intimidating on a good day, but when you’re unsure of yourself in any way, it can be scary AF.
I think something silly that helped to ease me into being comfortable sexually was other people’s willingness and openness in asking me totally inappropriate questions that were none of their business.
Don’t get me wrong, if we know each other - even on a basic friendly level - feel free to ask me questions. Or if you’re reading this blog and have questions - go ahead and ask away. That’s the point here.
I’m speaking more about when I was in my later teens and early twenties and frequenting bars and clubs and parties. I’m referring more to the many boys that struggled to make conversation normally but had no problem asking me my name followed by, “can you still have sex?” or “can you feel (eyes directed to crotch area) down there?” I kid you not when I tell you this happened REGULARLY.
My friends and I loved to joke about it and also make up funny answers to those questions. Sarcasm and a good sense of humor were always super helpful in those situations. I’m only guessing but I doubt those same people would ask any other girl those same questions moments after meeting them. Can you even imagine?
“Hey, I’m Chris. Nice to meet you. Does your vagina work? I need to know immediately in case I want to hook up with you later.”
Like, no. Just, no. But this was basically a big part of my night life for a long time. I get it though - people are curious. I just find it incredible how someone can think this is a valid question when you first meet someone - BUT IT IS VERY COMMON!
On the bright side, it did make me feel like I could still be sexy or viewed as someone a dude would want to take back to his mom’s basement and bone on a pile of laundry. I mean, really - what could be better than that?
But seriously, just knowing that the opportunity was there helped raise my confidence. It let me know I was still a woman in many ways, even if I didn’t always feel like one. Being visibly different than basically every woman around you can be extremely intimidating. Like, why would someone choose me when there are ‘normal’ options out there?
That was something I had to work out for a long time. It was very hard to accept and learn to manage as I grew up and for many years after that. I’d be lying if I said I don’t still deal with that pressure I put on myself at this point in my life - luckily it’s just not as often.
*pic circa 1994 of my (now) husband making out with me. I don’t think he ever cared if I could feel my vagina as long as he could 😂😂
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