I have a story I want to tell that I’ve only shared with a few people before. It’s uncomfortable and personal but I feel like maybe you can learn something from it so, why not?
A year or two after my accident I learned how to drive. When I got my license I was lucky enough to inherit my mom’s old doo-doo brown Buick LeSabre station wagon. At the time, I had a fold up wheelchair and hadn’t learned how to get it in the car by myself yet so any time I drove, I had to have someone with me - or at least someone to get my chair in the car and someone on the other end to get it out. Even though I wasn’t 100% independent, I was close, and it was amazing.
Driving made me feel so much more ‘normal’ than I had in a long time. When I was sitting in the car I looked just like everyone else and I LOVED it. I drove everywhere. I had no problem picking my friends up and driving from place to place as we did back in those days. And my friends had no problem letting me! Do you know how many kegs that thing held? Jk - or am I 😜
One time I was going through some emotional issues dealing with my injury. Well, there were many times and I’m still an emotional mess, but this particular time… I HATED everything. I hated myself, I hated what I looked like. I HATED being in that stupid wheelchair. HATED IT. I hated it to the point that I was going to run away.
This is where it becomes one of those memories that was so traumatic at the time but kind of funny to look back on. I was RUNNING AWAY FROM MYSELF. I don’t know how smart you guys are but just in case you can’t figure it out on your own: that is a complete impossibility.
In my full on rage and emotional breakdown, I decided I was going to get in the car and drive to see my friend in Connecticut. I packed a bag and got in the car. This plan would’ve been way more workable if I didn’t need a wheelchair to get around OR if I knew how to get it into the car.
For the average person, it could've been fool proof. For me? I was just a f**king loser with teenage hormonal issues and extreme anxiety dealing with trauma sitting in a beat up station wagon in my driveway with a wheelchair thrown down next to the car hysterical crying.
FOILED AGAIN!! This fucking disability wouldn’t even allow me to run away. I was stuck with myself. It literally took me getting to that point to realize: this was my life now. There was nothing I could do but deal with it. I HAD NO CHOICE.
There are things in our lives we have the ability to change and if they don’t serve us positively, we should absolutely change them - or stop complaining and placing blame. If you have the option to make something better, you should. End of story.
On the other hand, there are things that happen that we have no choice but to live with. Death of a loved one, disability, illness - whatever it is that plagues you. You cannot change these circumstances BUT YOU CAN OVERCOME THEM. It can totally ruin your life if you let it, but it can also just be a part of the background. It will always be a part of you but in no way has to define you or your potential outcome. That choice is up to you.
Choose wisely ✌🏼
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