Relationships are about balance. Think of a relationship like a business; if you enter into a partnership with a person, the workload and responsibilities should be split evenly in order for everyone involved to be satisfied.
When both partners feel they have a fair share, business runs smooth, partners get along, and for the most part, it runs like a well oiled machine. Feeling equal also makes people more inclined to do more for the other as they don’t already feel overburdened doing “everything”.
One difference between a work relationship and a romantic relationship is that when it comes to those you love, typically, seeing them happy makes you happy.
When you do things for others, especially those you love, it generally makes YOU feel better too. Giving to others -tangible gifts or thoughtful acts, can make you feel just as good or even better than receiving. Imagine doing that every day in small doses. How great would that feel?
I often hear people complaining about their significant other not helping around the house, with the kids, or just daily struggles. Then some complain about how they don’t want to have sex or do couples kind of things. These are general statements but legitimate things I hear quite often - as I’m sure you do too.
My marriage is in no way perfect and I’m sure my husband and I complain about each other BUT in general, our relationship is equal. As a woman in a successful marriage of almost twenty years let me share some advice and potential keys to happiness:
Maybe if everyone compromised a little - they would get what they want and eventually, without ever having to ask. Maybe if this was done every day, the give and take would become natural and only continue to grow and improve.
Now, as an admitted over-anxious control freak, let me share another piece of wisdom: LET IT GO.
Part of what I hear a lot and I used to do (and sometimes still fall victim to) is that the significant other is in fact trying to do things but not the “right” way.
First of all, YOUR way isn’t necessarily the right way. Just because you want it don’t a certain way or at a certain time, doesn’t mean that’s the way is HAS to be.
Remember: BALANCE.
If someone is voluntarily doing something for you to HELP YOU and relieve some of the burden you’re bearing, LET THEM. Then, say thank you and move the fuck on with a smile. Focus on the gesture and the goodwill behind the deed, not the task at hand.
Yes, I know it’s hard. Take it from someone who used to not let anyone else load the dishwasher because no one could put it together like a Tetris game the way I could- LET IT GO. Sometimes I have to physically restrain myself and step away for self control but after some deep breaths I remind myself: he did this and I didn’t have to. Stop being such a ridiculous asshole about it.
Each person has needs and desires, but you can’t expect the other to “just know”. BE HONEST. If you want to achieve that balance, you have to be on the same page. Not everyone knows how to take a hint- even a very obvious one. Stop hinting about what you want and getting pissed off when nothing happens. Share your feelings with your partner because it’s not their fault they can’t read your mind.
Don’t wait until you’re angry and at your breaking point to start pointing fingers and blaming each other. Try to be open about your expectations of one another and BE MORE FLEXIBLE when someone is pitching in in their own way. Say ‘thank you‘ and pay it forward.
IT’S ABOUT COMPROMISE.
Maybe if your partner comes home to some sparkly clean floors (or a valiant attempt at it) and an empty sink, you’ll get that mind blowing (or slightly mediocre just give me some) sex you’ve been impatiently waiting for.
One good turn deserves another and when you keep giving back to one another, the cycle continues. Everybody wins 👍🏻
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