I’m going to go back to relationships again for a minute…
Many people have commented on my relationship with my husband. (He’s amazing - have you heard? lol) I think this is a good time to make something clear:
OUR RELATIONSHIP IS NOT PERFECT
I know, right? It really is hard to believe. After over twenty years together, it would be impossible not to have gone through a lot together. Luckily, the majority of our time together has been awesome - or at least, good - but trust me, there have been some pretty shitty times too.
Anyone who claims to have a perfect relationship is either a total liar or in complete denial. It would be impossible to take two people, put them together for an extended period of time, and expect perfection. Shit is gonna go down. That’s just reality.
Those rough patches and being able to get through those less-than-ideal times together is what brings people closer together and makes relationships stronger. That’s what I believe to be true anyway. You can’t have the good without the bad.
We live in a time where we’re all invested in the lives of so many people who would have probably just become names from the past. Thanks to social media, we are constantly exposed to the ‘highlight reels’ of everyone’s lives. We see their smiling faces, matching outfits, perfectly done make up, fancy cars, clean houses, etc - and compare ourselves and everything we have to that ideal.
Guess what? That’s not reality. We see the edited versions of everyone’s lives and even though we do the same, rarely stop to realize that we are all imperfect. We show people what we want them to see. Just like the ‘old days’ before instant uploads and social media when we had photo albums.
Think about it… were there photos glued behind the plastic of your dad slumped over at work where he spent way too many hours a day trying to support his family? Were there pictures of your mom crying alone at night because you were being a total asshole to her all day? How about that one of your mom angrily hurling a can of tomatoes at a wall 😜? We don’t share those memories because we hope to forget them. We try to focus on the positive, happy times that evolve from them - as we should.
But What about the moments BEHIND the moments?
What about the arguments about money? The silent tears because of the lack of communication? The pain in your hearts when you know your child is in pain and can’t help them? The disagreements about how to parent?
All of these things lead up to those smiling faces we see. We can’t have the good times without the bad otherwise it would just be, meh.
THAT IS THE REALITY.
My husband might be amazing and treat me like a queen many times, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a total asshole some days. There has been more than one occasion when I have wanted to smash his head against a wall AND HE HAS HAD THE SAME FEELINGS ABOUT ME. We have been known to bicker and argue and be passive aggressive when trying to have the last word.
In addition to managing our relationship, we have our own shit to go through. We are each middle aged and have our own personal issues and little bit of crazy to deal with in general. This is why communication is so important. It is something in OUR relationship that we have always had to make a conscious effort to work on.
Maybe it’s part of that whole ‘men are from Mars, women are from Venus’ thing - I don’t know, but IT TAKES WORK. And even after all these years, sometimes we still fail. Sometimes we have to get to the point of wanting to strangle the words out of each other to realize we need to address the situation - TOGETHER.
If you love someone enough, you occasionally have to swallow your pride, get out of your comfort zone, and try to figure out how move past whatever is holding you back. Once in a while, you might even have to admit you’re wrong and God forbid - APOLOGIZE. Recognize what’s wrong within yourself in the same way you are able to point out what’s wrong with that certain someone else.
I’m sharing this because as I’ve said before: WE ALL HAVE ISSUES.
Remember as you scroll through your Facebook or Instagram and see those perfectly lit, posed photos that what you’re seeing is the final product of something that took a lot of preparation in one way or another. Don’t compare yourself to others. Focus on you and yours and what you know to be true.
*I have a mental block when it comes to the appropriate time to use affet/effect. Please just go with it…
**photo of us awkwardly trying to smile while my man is obviously annoyed that I’m making him take another photo after he told me “no” 😂
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