I’m going to continue discussing relationships...
I’ve been holding off on writing about my own relationship and my husband ever since I posted the video of him piggybacking me up the mountain. People are STILL talking about how great he is. I can’t even bitch about him to my friends or family because they’re like, “shut up. He CARRIED YOU UP A MOUNTAIN. HE IS AMAZING.” Okay, I get it. He’s incredible. He still doesn’t change the paper towel roll - it’s all relative.
Seriously though, he IS amazing. That was not the first and likely wont be the last time he has done something so incredible to help me. He’s good like that.
I was talking to him the other day in trying to think of ideas for this blog and asked him what people say when they find out he’s married to me - a woman in a wheelchair. His answer was that they tell him he’s a good person. Hmmmm… Let’s talk about that for a minute.
Again, he IS a good person - a great one, but it’s not that he’s better than most people, he’s just special. You can be a good person in a million ways and still not want to date or marry ‘someone like me’. I mean, you’d be missing out because I’m super hot and smart and I bring A LOT to the table, BUT it does take someone who is more patient and willing to put in some extra effort.
For example, I’m a good person. (shut up, I am), but I might not have what it takes to be with someone who needed more patience or extra work if the tables were turned. I honestly never held it against anyone who didn’t want to be with me because I get it. Look at it like this: not everyone has what it takes to be a doctor or nurse. Just because you can’t stomach the sight of blood doesn’t mean you hope someone bleeds out and dies, it just means it’s not in your nature to be able to help them.
You DO need to be a certain kind of person. Being with (someone like) me requires a person who is willing and able to do things differently or look at things from a different perspective and quite frankly, someone who’s also going to be able to see me in a sexual way because just because I look different doesn’t mean I don’t want and need the same things as anyone else.
Also again, all disabilities are different as are the people who have them. Each person’s needs and wants vary so they would possibly require more than what my husband does for me and in other cases, less. Having an open mind is an absolute necessity in all cases.
There are people who can’t see beyond the “norm”. There are people who can’t imagine walking into a room with a beautiful woman who can’t walk next to them. That’s okay, I’m not judging. As long as those people still treat me as they would anyone else, it doesn’t matter, they’re probably not the kind of person I would be with anyway. It’s when they treat me like I’m somehow less of a person that their character comes into question FOR ME.
*I repeat: these are only MY opinions. There may be people with disabilities who DO think someone who wont take the time to be with them is an asshole. That’s okay too. To each their own.
On the flip side, there are people who feel it’s okay to date someone with a disability but also shit all over them. (Not literally, that’s a different conversation). And there are people with disabilities who feel that they don’t deserve or can’t get someone better. JUST LIKE SOME ABLE BODIED PEOPLE FEEL. Their reasons for feeling that way may be different, but the outcome is the same.
I’ve touched on a whole bunch of topics here and clearly, I can go on for a long time. I will come back to each of these because I think they’re important.
Just because you’re not “perfect” doesn’t mean you deserve less than anyone else. We all deserve happiness and some of us are lucky enough to find it. It definitely takes a certain kind of person to be with another human with different needs but I promise you, they’re out there.
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