I thought this would be a good time to explain some things about myself and how I got to be who and where I am today. This might take a few posts so bear with me…
Something that always weighs heavy on mind, especially as the parent of a teenager now, is why I was where I was on the day we were in the car accident that left me paralyzed.
My parents decided to take us (me, my brother, and sister) to the Brooklyn Aquarium that Saturday - August 11, 1991. I was fifteen and a raging hormonal bitch at the time (Okay, I’m still a bitch but now it’s just who I am - stay focused). I had a boyfriend who I couldn’t go without seeing for a whole day and girlfriends who were having a get together and I would have just died if I missed it. #FOMO
I can’t remember my exact words or if there was an argument that took place, but I did choose to be with my friends instead of my family.
My parents took my brother and sister to the aquarium for what I’m sure was a pretty fun day, and shortly after they left I got into a car with six of my friends and one of their older sister’s who was our ride because none of us had a license yet. She also drove us because I was adamant about not waiting until later because then I wouldn't be able to see my boyfriend.
That decision sealed my fate and my future and changed EVERYTHING about life as I knew it.
When I was first injured and trying to decide the “reason” why, I wondered for a long time if it was because I made that series of decisions. I wondered if it was a hard life lesson about how family ALWAYS comes first. I wondered if I was being punished for pushing my family aside to spend time with my friends.
I understand now that there wasn’t a reason. I don’t believe in that ‘logic’ anymore, but I did learn a lesson. I don’t think I really needed to be physically harmed in the process and I probably could’ve learned a much easier way but, ya know, shit happens. #justsayin
Family comes first. In my case my family is my blood. My great aunt always said, “blood is thicker than pea soup” and she was right. FAMILY IS EVERYTHING. I never would have made it through that experience without them - or anything else I’ve been through since then.
Family is also made up of those who have been by my side for most of my life - through thick and thin. It’s also the extensions of my husband and loved ones. It’s those friends that became family. They’re special in their own way.
I try to live my life with no regrets but I can’t deny that I do regret getting into that car. Even more so, I regret neglecting my family that day. I regret being so impatient and afraid of missing out that I reworked that whole day around myself.
I do, however, always think back to that day when I’m trying to practice patience. It helps to remind me not to force things and just let life happen as it should.
I think about it when my fifteen year old relentlessly tries to do anything he can to see his friends or make sure he has anyplace to sleep on a Saturday other than his own house. I get it - I was the same way. It’s a part of growing up for many of us.
I try to think about how I felt on that day whenever he gives up a fun activity with his lame ass parents in exchange for doing nothing with his ‘boys’ and I just hope that he (and his brother in a few years) will one day understand why we feel the way we do - now, as adults.
I still don’t believe any of this is my “reason” but there’s nothing like a traumatic life changing experience to make you sit back and reevaluate yourself and your life choices 🙂
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