Now that I’ve addressed the issue of feeling and sensation, the natural progression for people is to ask about, um, sex.
Honestly, sex and feeling “down there” are the first things most people ask me once they feel comfortable enough or if they’re complete strangers and really drunk in a bar. #truth
As a romance writer, I think it would be easy for me to give you a very detailed description of how I have sex and exactly what it feels like. Are you ready?
Bowchicawowow
**if you’re my parents or my in laws, now would be a good time to stop reading**
Come on, people! We barely know each other! Let’s not get crazy now. Sheesh, did you really think I was going to give you a play by play? If you want to read that kind of story, download one of my novellas on amazon. (Shameless plug, see what i did there?)
I’m not going to go into intimate detail but there are some things I will share, some of which I think you’ll be able to relate to on some level.
We’ve already established that the way I physically feel things is somewhat different than the average person. Luckily, I am still able to enjoy intimacy - very much - so, so, so much… wait, what were we talking about?
I’ve been married for almost twenty years and even though we’ve only had sex twice for the sole purpose of creating our children, (that’s just in case my dad is still reading), it took an extremely long time for me to learn to feel comfortable with my own body and the way ‘I’ feel during sexual relations.
Even with my husband, who is obviously totally fine with me and my body, it took YEARS. I had this fear that something that felt ‘good’ wasn’t supposed to - or maybe I was feeling something ‘wrong’ or feeling things that weren't there, or a million bazillion different intimidating thoughts that would occur during and after the act.
I spent so much time obsessing and being afraid that I was feeling the wrong things that I didn’t allow myself to fully enjoy the experience. I was so worried that it actually took away from my pleasure.
AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.
I did this for years. It was still beautiful and amazing and I enjoyed every second of it - but not completely. I sacrificed a little bit of my pleasure in exchange for fear.
What if ‘that’ isn’t supposed to feel good? What do other women feel? Am I supposed to like that? Oh my God, is my belly jiggling?
Even saying it now sounds so dumb. I was having sex and it felt good. Why the fuck should I care what every other woman likes? I’m the only one here. My husband seems to be enjoying it. He doesn’t seem to care. He’s not looking at me like I’m weird. He made a conscious decision to be there with me. Why was I making myself so crazy?
Don’t we all kind of do this in one way or another? Maybe? Just me?
Either way, the point is, I let it go. It did not happen overnight and it was not easy, but it was very much worth it. I thought I was enjoying myself before but sweet baby Jesus, had I been missing out. Releasing those inhibitions and allowing myself to just live in the moment made a world of difference.
Again, I’m just letting you know, acceptance is so important. Loving yourself and being comfortable in your own skin is vital to your happiness in every way. It doesn’t matter what ‘everyone else’ is doing or feeling. It doesn’t matter what ‘everyone else’ looks like. You aren’t everyone else, you are who you are and *YOU* are what matters ✌🏼
Comments