I’ve definitely said this before, but the most important relationship you have is with yourself. The way you see yourself effects how you feel and will also influence how others see you. I feel like I can confidently say that I’m not alone in thinking that it is a struggle every day.
It took a really long time for me to learn to be comfortable with who I am: a woman in a wheelchair. I’m still uncomfortable with it - even more so now that I’m a woman and not a ‘girl’. Shit has gotten real here!
Some days I look in the mirror and I’m like, “damn, girl, you look a’ight” usually followed by a wink and a sassy smile BECAUSE I LOVE MYSELF MORE THAN ANYONE 😜. But then some days I look in the mirror and find every single flaw and progressively hate my body more and more by the minute. It is a full time job trying to keep myself in check.
I feel an added pressure to make myself look decent and presentable when I leave the house because people DO tend to look at me and in my own head, I’ll be judged. Having a disability comes with a certain stigma where many people expect you to be overweight or unhealthy or disheveled. I know they do this because often people are surprised by my appearance. Even though what other people think shouldn’t matter, it’s hard sometimes not to let it get to you. Most of the time (and maybe it’s my anxiety) I worry about things that I’m sure other people don't notice or pay any mind to, but I stress about them anyway.
Let’s not get crazy though, I do look like a hot mess most of the time. Don’t judge by my Facebook profile where I post pics with my “outside clothes” and makeup. Most days I’m just thankful that messy buns are in style because I haven’t done my hair since 1994. BUT I do make it a point to wear shoes and actual pants when I go outside because I like to project a certain image: that I kind of have my shit together. That despite my hardships, I can still manage to leave the house like a semi-decent and productive member of society.
My son often asks why I bother wearing shoes if I don’t walk, which is a valid question, but I do it because I would feel like I was failing at life if I didn’t. I would feel like I fit into a certain stereotype and that people would look at me in a completely different way. I’m not saying in any way that I’m better than those who go out barefoot or wear pajamas to after school pick up (been there, done that), but I FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF, and when I feel good, it has a direct reflection on how I project myself and in turn, how others see me.
See how that works? Loving yourself effects everything about how the world sees you and even if no one notices or cares, it doesn’t matter. YOU have to feel it. Even on my worst days, I try to find something positive to focus on to help my mindset. It helps me be more confident and even more productive.
How you see yourself is a huge part of how you carry and conduct yourself. Find something you love about yourself and let that shine through every day. It will make a world of difference and I guarantee you will find even more to love ❤️
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