Another pet peeve: PITY 🙄
PLEASE do not feel bad for me. Everyone has something shitty going on in their lives but we’re all here just getting by and pretending we’re fine. I am no different than most, just visually. I mean, I’m probably dealing with way more than most people, but also thankful to be dealing with way less than others. It’s all relative.
Anyway…
I have found at many times in my life there are people who feel bad for me. That’s fine if you feel that way, but don’t make it your mission to pity me and feel it necessary to be my friend/hire me/date me because you think you’re doing me a favor. You’re not.
By doing so, you’re basically saying that no one would purposely decide to be with me because I’m intelligent, stunningly beautiful, witty, charming… you get the idea. More that they would only choose to give me their time because no one else would want to. Fuck off. I’m amazing. That’s how I make friends, see?
But seriously, it would be glorious to be loved and admired by EVERYONE. Wouldn’t that be great? But no one on earth is out there being their authentic self that EVERYBODY likes. It just doesn’t work like that.
Believe it or not, there are people out there that don’t like me. (I know, right). The anxiety ridden, self conscious woman inside of me worries about that at all sorts of inconvenient times throughout the day and night but the disabled woman on the outside is like, “you go, you hateful bastards! Way to be your authentic selves and not let my disability make you feel like you can’t dislike me!” (not really, I’m still butthurt but you see what I mean).
I should share that I initially learned this lesson in the most ironic way:
I worked at a place during which time I was already married. A new male employee started bringing me flowers and small gifts. My husband came in one day and asked him why (very nicely) and he replied that he wanted to make sure I felt loved. SO SWEET. My husband also asked why I didn’t tell this guy to fuck off and I replied, “because he’s not 100% and I feel bad.”
WHOA. Don’t hate the playa, hate the game, people. (Or some catchy phrase like that).
It took about one minute for me to realize how messed up it was of me to treat someone exactly the way I didn’t want to be treated. I matured a lot after that - well, in some ways. I did miss the flowers though…
Coincidentally, I was fired from that same job by my boss in an unrelated rage of mental fury months later. While having a meltdown and throwing me out (long story but definitely not my fault) he repeatedly screamed, “WHO HIRED YOU? WHO GAVE YOU A JOB? WHO *WOULD* GIVE YOU A JOB?”
So fucked up on many levels. Many people would have - and DID hire me - before and after that ridiculous day. Not because they thought they were doing me a favor like that douchebag, but because I have a degree and experience and excellent work ethic to name a few of my bullet points.
In my single days, I had guys date me because they thought they were doing me a favor. I did just fine without them, but maybe in their minds, because they didn’t see me in a sexual way, neither would anyone else. So they decided to take one for the team, I guess? I don’t know, men are weird. It only took me a date or two to figure out when that was the case but, SPOILER ALERT: NOT EVERYONE HAS CHEMISTRY.
Maybe they weren’t into me because of my disability. Maybe it was because they weren’t into brunettes but felt bad NOT being turned on by me? Maybe they were afraid of a strong ass woman. I don’t know and it doesn’t matter. The point is, everyone has a type they dig and everyone has a type they’re just not into. I’m cool falling into either category at any time.
Once again, I’m not for everyone and I ain’t trying to be. Same goes for everybody! See how that works?
So don’t feel bad for me. I do pretty okay all by myself. I appreciate the thought, but I’m good, bro. It’s totally fine to help someone out or be a little extra sometimes, but don’t do things out of pity. It changes EVERYTHING. #nothanks #pity #imgood #stop #imgood #sorrynotsorry #change #stop
Comments