One thing I’ve been asked a lot is how I adjusted so easily and quickly to my new life in a wheelchair. Spoiler alert: I didn’t.
I come from a very happy, loving home with a very supportive family - both immediate and extended. That being said, they also aren't the type to coddle anyone.
I grew up in a home hearing things like, “suck it up,” “do the best with what you got,” “go see your friends, you’ll feel better.” You get the picture…
Anyway, these things may sound harsh to some of you or even silly, but I’ll tell you what: it laid a great foundation for what lay ahead in my future.
I was fifteen when I was paralyzed. The summer before my sophomore year in high school. You’ve all been teenagers at one point so you know what it’s like; your body is weird, your hormones are all over the place, it’s a constant battle to fit in and also stand out. Your parents don’t understand you, nobody gets you… you remember the drill, right?
So there I was, a teenage girl who on top of all the other teenage drama, was now confined to a wheelchair. Not only that, but when we had our car accident back in 1991, ADA laws didn’t even exist. My high school was not accessible and the school district had no idea what to do. Good times, right?
Fast forward through my year of in home tutoring while the school district worked everything out, to my first day going back to high school. THE WORST. Talk about fear, anxiety, nausea, and sheer terror.
Fifteen hundred students in the school and I would be the ONLY ONE in a wheelchair. I wasn’t given a choice - I was going back to school. I think the majority of it was my parents’ desire to force me to be strong. To face my fears and learn to be brave. Although I’m sure a small part of it was my mom wanting me the hell out of the house so she could get back to her own life- which I totally understand now as a parent myself. (Love you, ma)
I cried so much. I ugly cried - for days. I did not want to go. I didn’t want people looking at me and talking about me. I didn’t want to BE me.
But I was who I was and there was no way around it. I rarely let anyone else see how terrified I was or how weak I always felt. I put on a smile and pretended everything was okay. I saved those tears for my poor parents who had dealt with way too much already.
I don’t remember their exact words but I’m guessing it was something like, “suck it up and make the best of it. This is your life now.” These words were said with love and meant for encouragement and strength and I’m pretty sure my parents shed their own tears once I left - and you know what?
IT WAS THE BEST THING THEY COULD HAVE DONE FOR ME
I may or may not have done the same if given my own choice. I will never know. But had they kept me home in my safe little bubble, protected me from being talked about or laughed at or just feeling uncomfortable, I don’t think I would have followed the same path that brought me where I am today.
Facing your fears is a real son-of-a-bitch. You know this too, because we all have them. We have all had to look at ourselves at one time or another and decide what would overcome - fear or fortitude.
I have faced many battles since that day where I’ve had to make that same decision and I’m happy to say that for the most part, I have won. I may not have always succeeded at the task at hand, but I looked fear in the face and did it anyway, and that, is the biggest victory of all.
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