You know I like to keep it real up in here so in sticking with the theme, I will share this irritating feeling I’ve been having the last few days.
No, nothing bad happened. No, nothing is going on. Sometimes it’s just fucking annoying having a disability. ANNOYING.
A couple of nights ago we were lying in bed watching TV and my husband fell asleep. I needed the remote to turn up the volume because he snores so loud (#sorrynotsorry) and it was at the bottom of the bed. So I had to get out from under my nightly blanket fort, sit up - which requires me pushing myself up on my hands - and do like five push up/dips to get myself across the bed to get the stupid remote. Then drag my body back into my warm, cozy space only to find that my pants were around my thighs by the time I got back.
Okay, it could be SO MUCH WORSE. I know this. I appreciate it. I am thankful every day for the little things - like the fact that I am able to drag myself across the bed - but also - IT’S STILL ANNOYING AF sometimes.
It’s late. I’m tired. I want to just roll over, grab what I need and lay back down. I don’t want to go through the whole process only to get comfortable and find I need to shimmy my stupid pants back on.
To put a little (un)sexy spin on it - these are the exact moves I use when I’m trying to get my groove on #knowwhatimsayin - It’s annoying. I want to jump my man’s bones but I’m like, “hold on, I’m getting there” while I hoist myself around like a sack of potatoes. Spoiler alert: it can be bit of a buzz kill. Luckily, I’m pretty sure he’s either kind of a sadist and into that kind of thing or he’s just fucking weird. #justkidding#maybe
Then yesterday when I was food shopping, I needed something off a high shelf and there was not a soul to be found. I had to try and balance a box of linguine in my fingertips while trying to pull/push/knock what I needed off the top shelf because I was so determined to get it off without spending what would have felt like an eternity finding someone to help me out.
Again, SO DUMB. It’s really no big deal. In the end I couldn’t get what I needed down and just went without - spiting no one but myself for basically no reason other than my shitty attitude that day.
All of these things are really so insignificant and quite honestly, stupid, but I think I should share some of those moments with you because they DO happen.
Sometimes I just get so pissed off that I ‘can’t’ that it starts to spiral and I have to legitimately tell myself to stop. Focusing on the little instances like these can take you to a very dark place if you allow it.
On the flip side, there are so many little things I CAN do that I am thankful for - like pull myself around a bed that I share with an amazing man who somehow looks past all of my insanity and oversharing 😜.
I am lucky to do what I do and have all I have. I am thankful for all of it - even more so, for the ability to have learned to look beyond what I ‘can’t’ and be grateful for what I ‘can’.
I guess it’s good to have ‘bad’ days or ‘annoying’ experiences because it reminds you to be thankful for the good and even mundane and no matter what, to just keep going.
*my staged overly-dramatic remote control grab
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