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Writer's pictureJessicaHaber

Sorry Not Sorry

This is going to be one of those posts where I might sound like an asshole. Please know I don’t mean it to sound harsh but I’m just going to be up front with you here -so be prepared…


In the twenty eight plus years I have spent living in a wheelchair I can’t even count how many times someone has told me they ‘know what I’m going through’ because they broke their leg and had to use a wheelchair/ had surgery and needed a wheelchair/ spent a day in a wheelchair to see what it was like… the reasons vary but the sentiment is the same. If you are one of those people, I apologize. I’m sure you think you know but let me be blunt:


YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA.


Yes, it sucks no matter what. Any impairment - even temporary can be a total pain in the ass, but it is not the same. Not at all. Imagine telling someone with an autoimmune disease that you know what it’s like to live like them because you had the flu once. NOT THE SAME. (Unless you’re a man and had a cold- then we know it was life shattering)


First of all, being paralyzed and unable to move body parts because a signal cannot travel from your brain to your muscle (simple terms) is a whole other ball game than not being able to weight bear on your left leg after falling out of a tree. Yes, it still sucks. Yes, you’re still somewhat immobile BUT the situation is temporary and NEWS FLASH: you can still move your leg. You can use crutches. You have options. You can hop into any old bathroom stall. You have a clear end to your situation.


Secondly, not being able to walk is only one part of the problem - albeit a huge part, but that’s not the only amazing perk that comes with crushing your spinal cord. There are a whole host of other issues that vary by individual and location of injury. Bladder and bowel function, pressure sores, spasms, atrophy and autonomic disreflexia just to name a few. I’ve told you before, the fun never ends.


I know that many people feel they can identify with me - or others with different physical or mental issues but the honest truth is that unless you experience first hand, you just can’t. It’s okay to empathize or sympathize, but without actually being in someone’s shoes, you can’t actually know what it’s like. There are some things others just can’t understand - and that’s okay! You don’t have to! It’s totally cool.


So feel free to ask questions. It’s fine to have a conversation, but please don’t try to compare unless you’ve truly experienced what something is like first hand. Yes, you might have a small taste and It might appear the same at quick glance but I assure you, it’s not.


Thanks for understanding ✌🏼



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