In addition to my own people, there are complete strangers out there who also like to look out for those around them. This is almost always appreciated- ALMOST. Let me explain what I mean:
I love when someone offers to help open a door or help get my groceries to my car or other random acts of kindness that are so helpful. What I don’t appreciate, although again, I know it comes from a good place, are people who speak on my behalf or ignore my attempts at saying, “thanks but no thanks.”
Here are a couple of examples:
A couple of months ago we went to see a band. We had front row seats at a local venue and there was a large space between us and the stage for people to dance. When the band came on one of the employees knelt in front of me blocking anyone from my path so I could still see. Very cool - and it’s her job so also very okay. After a solid twenty minutes or so of kneeling we told her we were good and she could go because she looked so uncomfortable and also, I was in fact, just fine.
Cue the nice woman next to me who now made it her mission to only half watch the show and half become my self appointed bodyguard. She got up and asked people to move repeatedly but we kept telling her it was fine and not to worry - because again, I was. I have no problem asking people to move if I need to and I was also with my husband who would’ve done the same.
In comes a very intoxicated woman who starts dancing in front of me. My bodyguard asks her to move and she refuses. My bodyguard then gets up and points to me (AWKWARD) and asks again. Drunk girl keeps dancing. Bodyguard touches drunk girl’s shoulder and they face off! These bitches are going to throw down because of me! But also, not at all because of me because even though this woman thought she was being so nice, she was really just fighting an unnecessary battle on behalf of someone who assured her multiple times there was no need.
Luckily drunk girl’s friend broke it up before it got really ugly but do you see how this can make me feel really fucking weird? I didn’t even know these people. I didn’t ask for help and in fact requested the total opposite. I’m not a confrontational person and would rather have just let everyone enjoy themselves and let me be.
I was at another show a couple weeks ago. We had pit seat tickets. (My people really know how to do it up). We got there right as the show was starting and were at the edge of the pit. I couldn’t see well but the seats were still awesome and if I leaned the right way I had a good view. NO PROBLEM.
A man and his wife walk over to my sister and I. He pulled us through a sea of people who reluctantly moved out of our way (which already had me super anxious) and lead us to their spot- right up front at center stage. There was one obstacle- this beast of a woman who we’ll refer to as “bitchface” - you’ll see why in a minute.
My new friend taps bitchface on the shoulder and asks her to move over a bit. Let’s just note that I am about 4’2 sandwiched between about 300 people now watching a concert. Ninety nine percent of the people in attendance can see over me but I can’t see a damn thing over 99% of the people.
So bitchface turns around and after a minute of back and forth, refuses to move. At that point I was annoyed but I also got it. It’s front row center and she’s been there for hours. But also, she could have moved 18” in any direction and we could’ve both enjoyed the show.
My new friend taps her again but this time she crosses a line, yelling something about the ADA has seats up top so people like me can see and not make people like her move.
Um, what? Bitch, I paid the same for this seat as you did and it is in fact ADA compliant. (Fine, my sister paid but that’s not the point).
My new friends are now arguing and Dave Matthews is singing ten feet away and I can’t see anything except for bitchface who I want to stab in the gut with one of the airplane sized vodka bottles I snuck in- but I’m a lady so I took a breath.
It was a true, “Nobody puts baby in a corner” moment.
I’ve been down this road before. We can argue and fight and I can secure a seat next to her with the help of the mob around us where we can both uncomfortably watch the show and accidentally on purpose bump into each other OR I can move on and find a new seat. I chose the latter although I still kind of regret it. She deserved to have her fun ruined for being so nasty. She wasn’t obligated to move, but she didn’t have to be an asshole about it either.
We moved about ten feet down where a nice group of people pushed us up front and formed a barrier, once again shaming anyone who attempted to get in my way. Again - awesome but also super uncomfortable for me. And so the cycle continues... but really - We ALL deserve to have a good time.
In the end, we all did have a good time. We always manage to. I guess my point here is: If you offer to help and someone says, ‘no’, LISTEN. It’s not because we are too proud or trying to prove something. It’s because we have likely done this a million times before. We know what to expect. We know how we want to handle it. If you’re uber nice and want to secure that NO with the addition of “are you sure?” - go right ahead if it makes you feel better, but in the end remember:
NO MEANS NO. STOP MAKING IT WEIRD.
And if that super bitch who tried to put me in my place and kind of won under the extenuating circumstances somehow comes across this: I got to go home with a drum stick from the band so eat a bag of dicks!
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