Since I began this page, I’ve kind of been more inclined to do some research and soul searching. It’s been eye opening to say the least. I’ve posted before about meeting new people recently - especially some very special women who also happen to have some sort of disability. When I continued to look and dive into social media I realized something important about myself: no matter how I feel and what I try to portray, I still don’t enjoy seeing myself in a wheelchair.
It’s so crazy, guys. I know who I am on the inside. When I meet other women who use wheelchairs I see them as they are: beautiful, funny, down to earth, strong ass women. I see everything in them that most people see in me. It just seems to be a struggle for me to actually - literally- see it in myself when I look in a mirror. I know it’s there, I see it on the inside, it’s just hard to take in as the whole picture when it’s me I’m looking at.
Don’t get me wrong, I feel good. I feel confident, capable, and pretty (depending on the day) I just hate looking in the mirror sometimes. Don’t we all at some point? That extra holiday weight. The gray hairs. I’ve spoken about this before but I need to remind myself sometimes so I’m guessing you do too.
In my deep dive into social media I found hundreds of pictures of these beautiful women posing in their wheelchairs - dancing, playing in the snow, in lingerie, dressed like princesses. You name it, it’s there. This IS the internet, after all. It’s important to remind myself sometimes that I’m not alone and that it’s okay to look “different”.
I also noticed that almost none of my own photos depict me that way. A huge reason for that is that I just prefer not to see myself like that. I am going to make a conscious effort to step outside my comfort zone and do that more often.
I’m a big fan of fantasy and the land of make believe. My imagination can take me anywhere and I use it mostly to take me away from my physical self. Admittedly, it’s also due to the fact that I haven’t figured out how to take a bomb ass full body selfie and I’m not posting a half ass picture. #yaheard
I’m posting this here to remind myself that I need to see myself as I see others - flawless and from the inside out. I need to look at myself the way I look at these other amazing women; like intelligent, powerful sexy bitches who have been dealt a shit hand in life and persevered.
I’m sharing with you because I feel like you can relate on some level. I encourage you to do the same. Look in the mirror and learn to love the person staring back. I don’t know who needs to hear this but I know you went through some shit. You’re still here to tell the story and that is the first step to moving on and learning to love again - yourself, your life, and others. Find the beauty in yourself and own it. Force yourself to see what those who love you do.
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