I am often complimented on my strength both by people who don’t know me at all and those that do. It’s pretty cool and also weird that even after all these years, it still makes me feel awkward.
Every once in a while I think it’s important to point out that despite what you may think, I’m not a superhero. I AM strong. I know that now, but the struggle is real, y’all. It is a battle every single day. It is not easy.
Like most people, I have a routine. I wake up and without much thought, go through the motions of my day. It never fails that something comes up at some point each day where I do stop to think, “damn, this is annoying. I wish I could just…” usually followed by something mundane that most people don’t think about but somehow throws a wrench in my day.
Some days are easier than others. Some days pass and I barely have time to think about the limitations or interruptions I seem to constantly be faced with. For the most part, it has just become routine. Other days though, I want to scream and kick something - but I can’t because my fucking legs don’t work. Luckily, those days have become less and less over time, but they do exist and would come about more often if I hadn’t learned to deal with the emotions that followed my injury- or those that come after any trauma. We all have those demons in some way. It’s life.
Everyone around me can literally see me carrying around my burdens. Even if it’s something else that’s bothering me, it’s always assumed that it’s my disability that is plaguing me. In that regard, I am lucky. People think I’m strong because they can visibly see me and know I’m struggling while there are so many others who are just as strong or even stronger because they suffer on the inside in silence.
Having people around me who love and support me is helpful beyond measure. My loved ones have seen me at my worst and incredibly stuck around to cheer me on to be my best. Not everyone has that, but I promise, there is someone out there who will listen. There is someone who has been in your shoes or in their own shoes but can still identify with how you’re feeling. But the bottom line is: IT IS UP TO YOU.
How you handle yourself - your emotions, your downfalls, your own trauma is ON YOU. No matter who or what caused it or where it stems from, it is YOUR responsibility to figure out how to move on. The pain will never go away, but it will get easier - it CAN get better. Take your focus off the “why” and “why me” and put it on the “how can I move on from this?”
We all have the ability to do it. Some of us just get to wear it like a big, stupid piece of metal with wheels and show the world how strong we can be.
You don’t have to forgive. You don’t have to forget. You just have to do whatever works for YOU to get to a comfortable, content place with yourself.
*I feel super preachy when I post things like this but I feel like it’s something important that should be repeated every now and again.
You can do it!! 👍🏻👍🏻😜
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