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Writer's pictureJessicaHaber

Why I Suck At That

I was watching a documentary the other night and there was a quote under the subject’s high school yearbook photo: IF IT IS TO BE, IT IS UP TO ME. That really resonated with me.


Let’s not worry about the fact that this person is a murderer. If anything, let’s be honest - at least he set his mind to something and followed through. I’m not suggesting you kill anyone - that wouldn’t be cool. Pay attention to the message though because it is so true.


I mentioned last week that I am a certified health coach but that I moved on because I really wasn't good at it. The reasoning behind this mantra is a big factor why. You can bitch and complain all you want but what it comes down to in the end is that: IT’S YOUR FAULT.


No, It’s not your fault your parents abandoned you or that you were maimed in a terrible accident, but everything that happened after that point IS ON YOU. Before you get mad, let me break that down for you.


In my brief time training with clients I quickly realized that everyone had a reason and excuse for every behavior - none of which were their own fault. I have done this a lot myself as well and have to talk myself through when I find myself doing it again. We can’t control what happens to us BUT we control our own outcomes. We can modify the way we react to the people and situations around us.


I have a very low tolerance for blaming others or more so for repeating the same gripes and behaviors, asking the opinions of others, and then ignoring the advice. I learned a word for that. It’s ‘askhole’. I have a hard time empathizing with this mentality.


Take charge of your life. Figure out what the actual problem is and start working on how to solve it. If the people around you aren’t willing to help you then have a choice to do it on your own or find new people to surround yourself with. It’s nice to have the help and support of others and sometimes it’s even necessary, but it’s not on them to make your life what you want it to be. In my (albeit limited) experience it seems that when you finally get your shit together, the right people will be there beside you and the others will weed themselves out anyway.


Those close to me know that I’m a nice person (🙄 shut up, I am) but I don't sugar coat things. I don’t tell people what they want to hear, I tell them the truth. I can’t help it. Sometimes I shouldn’t. Sometimes I should really just shut the fuck up but it physically hurts to hold it in - especially when it’s someone I actually care about.


As a ‘coach’ I just wanted to yell, “SHUT UP ALREADY! IT’S NOBODY ELSE’S FAULT!” But I couldn’t. My eye rolls were unstoppable though. If I had pursued that career I probably would’ve been known as ‘the Gordon Ramsey of coaching’ or something with the word ‘bitch’ in it.


I appreciate those of you who said I would be a great coach. It’s cool that you think that but it’s probably because I’m here preaching and you can’t talk back 😉 Either way, I’m cool sucking at that because I’m here now and my degree wound up taking my life on a whole different path, each step leading to someplace new that I never would’ve gone otherwise ✌🏼


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