So this girl said something to me last week that really got me thinking. She said, “maybe you don’t identify yourself as disabled.” What? How could I not? But also, was she right?
Because my disability was caused by a random accident, I obviously wasn’t prepared for my life to change.
I was fifteen and living in an inpatient rehabilitation hospital right after I was injured. That was where I had my first experiences with other people “like me.”
I lived on a pediatric floor so everyone was around my age or younger and also newly injured. We were learning the ropes together but the whole atmosphere there was kind of strange and surreal. There were no bonds made, no future friendships on the horizon.
At some point the hospital had a group of older people with spinal cord injuries come in and speak to those of us who were there with SCIs. It was the first of several negative experiences I had.
The group came in and told us how terrible life in a wheelchair is. They talked about how hard it was to get around, to meet people, to get a job. They told those of us who were in therapy and practicing walking with braces what a waste of time it was. They basically shit on every ounce of hope we had for a happy life.
It effected me. Big time. It left such a bad taste in my mouth. How would I make a decent life for myself when everything about in my future was going to suck.
Thanks to the love and support of my family and friends, I was soon able to see the light. They helped me realize that there was hope for a happy life.
When I left there and went to outpatient therapy. I was the only one with a spinal cord injury. I was one of the few patients who wasn’t elderly. I still didn’t really have anyone to talk to who would really understand me.
Fast forward a few years to when I lived in Florida. I moved there to be a part of a research program. I was finally able to spend some time with other people who had had spinal cord injuries. I made a couple of acquaintances but there was only one other woman in the program and unfortunately we didn’t really have much in common.
At that point, I gave up looking for peers. I stopped trying to find a place to fit in. I had already made my place in the able bodied world and just worked things out on my own. Eventually I stopped thinking about it altogether.
Then Recently, I was scrolling Facebook and saw a post on a local page from a woman in a wheelchair. She was beautiful and mentioned some things about herself that resonated with me. I needed to meet her so I reached out. Turns out she is also super cool- needless to say, we have a lot in common.
I have since been introduced to several other strong ass women with disabilities. A whole world of positive, like- minded people I never thought existed. I never realized how secluded I was and how small the bubble was that I was living in.
I can’t help but wonder how my life would’ve been different had I been introduced sooner - had I known what I was missing. There were many times when even with the people I love around me it would’ve been nice to have someone whom I could truly identify with.
it was a huge relief to find out I was not alone - not even close. After all that time, a world of possibilities has opened up that I never thought was there.
If you’re ever going through something and don’t think there’s anyone out there who understands, just keep looking. You are definitely not alone.
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