I’ve been married for almost twenty years. I have never worried about my husband cheating on me. I don't have to because we have this fun thing we do in our marriage called: TRUST.
Trust issues aside, it never fails that my insecurities come out once in a while and I look at my husband and wonder: why is he with me? I mean, he’s a good looking guy, he’s almost as funny as I am, he’s smart, he’s handy - he’s a pretty good catch… so why is he with me when he could have someone else?
Crazy, right? I’m not sure if all married women (or men) experience this phenomenon or if I’m alone here, but mine relates directly to my disability. His life could be so much easier without me. He would have so much less to worry about if he took a wheelchair out of the equation - from housing, to activities, to overnight stays, to a fun night out. I’m high maintenance in that regard. I must be pretty amazing since he puts up with all of those things and still sticks around. (Fact: I am 😜 but still...)
Then another part of me looks at him like, maybe he has some kind of weird fetish. If you know him personally, you know he’s kind of fucked up sometimes so, maybe? Anything is possible, right?
Obviously I’m a pretty open person. On the occasions when I have felt this way, I’ve asked him straight out why he is with me. He usually looks at me like I’m crazy and makes a sarcastic comment - because that’s how we approach touchy subjects in our house. But sometimes, I truly am curious.
Like I said in my post yesterday, you have to be a certain kind of person - the kind of person who is able to find someone who looks ‘different’ attractive.
Do you look at someone who is in a wheelchair, or missing half an arm, or wearing a oolostomy bag and you’re so chill you don’t even notice and be like, “damnnnnnn, I’d hit that.”
Or do you indeed notice the difference and think, “well, it’s kind of weird but that person looks pretty fine and I want to check them out.” OR do you look at that same person and say, “hard pass, not fucking that.” (not trying to be crass, just saying…)
Most times, people are judged first by what they look like on the outside. Yes, beauty comes from within, but you have to be willing to get to the point where you see what a person is truly all about. Attraction and chemistry are also an important part of a healthy relationship.
Before I was married, I had the opportunity to meet each type of person - multiple times. I’ve even met plenty of dudes who think they’re doing me a favor by giving me their time because they think no one else would want me. Bitch, please. Thanks but I’ll be a’ight without you.
Like, you have no idea how fucked up some people are - or maybe you do. You should either love someone unconditionally the way they are or fuck off. There is no in between. That goes for everyone - all the people - disabled, deformed, obese, mental, or just perfect. ALL OF THEM.
Just because someone doesn’t see you as worthy doesn’t mean you're not. Just because you feel like you’re not worthy of someone or something better, doesn’t mean you’re not. WE ALL DESERVE HAPPINESS ❤️✌🏼
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